Composition cultural diversity < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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(Frage) beantwortet  | | Datum: | 15:00 Di 15.04.2008 | | Autor: | itse |
| Aufgabe | Composition:
Does cultural diversity like in the USA enrich or endanger a society? Illustrate your view with examples from your own experience. |
Hallo Zusammen,
ich hab folgendes dazu geschrieben:
It is good or bad for a society to have different cultures like in the United States of America? In the countries where exist a variety of cultures, there are some problems but also chances for the people. When discussing this topic we have to bear several points in mind.
Firstly the different cultures can learn from each other and thus the everyday life will become easier und colorful on the human side. The people are living together and aid one another, so the different people are trust each other and the population becomes richer on human skills like responsibility, thoughtfulness and so on.
On the other hand it can give trouble among the culures, because they are too diverse und have a completely different picture of the life. Furthermore under the cultures exists minority groups, which are banned from the society. These people must live in a low standard of living.
To put it in a nutshell, I am particularly in favour of does different cultures live together like in the USA. It is a great opportunity to show thoughtfulness compared to other cultures which come from all countries in the world. If the people cope all difficulties, they profit by there behaviour.
Wie ist der Stil des ganzen Textes? Wo habe ich Fehler bei der Grammatik gemacht, versteht man soweit alles?
Vielen Dank, itse.
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(Antwort) fertig  | | Datum: | 19:34 Di 15.04.2008 | | Autor: | hAzEL. |
Hallo,
also:
It is good or bad for a society to have different cultures like in the United States of America?
> Frage ist falsch konstruiert. Soll es überhaupt eine Frage sein?
>Wenn ja, müsste das heißen: Is it good or bad for a society...
>Stilistisch würde ich aber nicht mit einer Frage beginnen.
In the countries where exist a variety of cultures, there are some problems but also chances for the people.
> Satzstellung: In the countries where a variety of cultures exists...
>'There are' ist nicht besonders elegant, aber okay.
When discussing this topic we have to bear several points in mind.
Firstly the different cultures can learn from each other and thus the everyday life will become easier und colorful on the human side.
> Statt 'firstly' würde ich 'predominantly' oder 'primarily' nehmen.
The people are living together and aid one another, so the different people are trust each other and the population becomes richer on human skills like responsibility, thoughtfulness and so on.
> They aid each other.
> 'so the different people trust each other'
> 'and so on' ist umgangssprachlich. Würde ich weglassen.
On the other hand it can give trouble among the culures, because they are too diverse und have a completely different picture of the life.
> 'It can give' ist deutsch!! 'There are' o.ä.
> culTures
> 'They have completely different imagninations about how their life should be' klingt besser.
Furthermore under the cultures exists minority groups, which are banned from the society.
> Statt 'under' unbedingt 'among'!
> 'exist'. Cultures ist Plural.
> Vielleicht wäre auch gut, hier zu bringen, warum sie von der Gesellschaft ausgeschlossen sind.
These people must live in a low standard of living.
>'Narrow circumstands' oder ähnliches passt besser für schlechte (Lebens-)Verhältnisse.
To put it in a nutshell, I am particularly in favour of does different cultures live together like in the USA.
> 'To put it all in a nutshell' ist umgangssprachlich.
> Der Rest des Satzes ist unverständlich!
It is a great opportunity to show thoughtfulness compared to other cultures which come from all countries in the world. If the people cope all difficulties, they profit by there behaviour.
Der Stil des Textes ist nicht ganz auf der sprachlichen Ebene der Fragestellung.
Grundsätzlich denke ich aber, dass du das Thema erfasst hast. Bis auf Kleinigkeiten gut verständlich. Grammatikalisch auf 'typisch deutsche' Fehler aufpassen! ;)
Bin mir nicht ganz sicher, alles gefunden zu haben.
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