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Forum "Korrekturlesen" - Handout
Handout < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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Handout: korrektur
Status: (Frage) beantwortet Status 
Datum: 22:45 Di 13.04.2010
Autor: mathemania

hallo liebe Forumfreunde,
Ich soll ein handout in englisch über ein Film schreiben es geht um Das Streben nach Glück, naja hab nun eins geschrieben aber bin mir dabei nicht so sicher deshalb bitte ich euch um eine Korrektur des Textes.

The Pursuit of Happyness

The Plot :
The film “The Pursuit of Happyness” is about the rise of a man who is known as Chris Gardner played by Will Smith. It is a picturisation of Chris Gardner. It is an American biographical drama film. In 1981, in San Francisco, Chris Gardner lived with his wife and his child. In the marriage it often came to discussions between Chris and Linda. He worked as salesman and sold Bone-density scanner but without success. So the family came in great financial difficulties and after a great quarrel Linda left the family and the 5-year-old son Christopher and his father remained alone. Chris Gardner gets the chance with a respected stockbroker to complete a six-month placement, without payment. He gives up his other jobs and only concentrates on his placement. Not his own welfare but that one of his son is main drive for him. The lessor throws him out and he lives with his son as more homeless on the streets after he cannot pay his rent any more. After 6 month placement, he completed a test and is assumed to be the only one of the candidates in the company. At the end of the film therefore after six months in the action Chris passes the final examination of his placement job successfully and is hired by the investment bank.
My scene:
The two spend her first night as homeless persons. Father and son sit in the subway station and play time travel; they imagine dinosaurs and escape in front of these to a “cave”, which offers them protection and in which be able to spend the night. In reality this cave is a station toilet, it is presented to the son thanks to the play as an adventure and not as a tramp's existence. This scene points like the father looks after the son, him protects and gives him his love. And of it with how much strength and nearly steadfast confidence Chris Gardner fights to be able to provide for his son.
I have selected this scene because it is very touching. The scene shows a father goes like far to his son offer protection. In addition, the scene shows a father-son relationship which is very strong. And with the game this the father with the son plays he changes the subject and the current situation. He gives him courage.

Ich Danke im Voraus!!

MfG
mathemania

        
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Handout: Antwort
Status: (Antwort) fertig Status 
Datum: 15:35 Mi 14.04.2010
Autor: metalschulze


> hallo liebe Forumfreunde,

Hallo zurück,

>  Ich soll ein handout in englisch über ein Film schreiben
> es geht um Das Streben nach Glück, naja hab nun eins
> geschrieben aber bin mir dabei nicht so sicher deshalb
> bitte ich euch um eine Korrektur des Textes.
>  
> The Pursuit of Happyness
>  
> The Plot :
>  The film “The Pursuit of Happyness” is about the rise
> of a man who is known as Chris Gardner played by Will
> Smith. It is a picturisation of Chris Gardner. It is an
> American biographical drama film. In 1981, in San
> Francisco, Chris Gardner lived with his wife and his child.
> In the marriage it often came to discussions between Chris
> and Linda. He worked as salesman and sold Bone-density
> scanners but without success. So the family came in great
> financial difficulties and after a great quarrel Linda left
> the family, and the 5-year-old son Christopher and his
> father remained alone. Chris Gardner gets the chance with a
> respected stockbroker to complete a six-month placement,
> without payment. He gives up his other jobs and only
> concentrates on his placement. Not his own welfare but that
> one of his son is the main drive for him. The lessor
> throws him
> out and he lives with his son as more homeless on the

meinst du as other homeless (wie andere Obdachlose)?
Du berichtest ab hier im present, (was ich als richtig empfinde), warum dann vorher im past? Entscheide dich für eine Zeitform, ich würde present nehmen, da der Film ja immer noch existiert....

> streets after he cannot pay his rent any more. After the 6
> month placement, he completed a test and is assumed to be

jetzt wieder past?

> the only one of the candidates in the company.

hier ist der Inhalt nicht zu verstehen, er ist der einzige Kandidat "for" the company?

> At the end
> of the film therefore after six months in the action Chris
> passes the final examination of his placement job
> successfully and is hired by the investment bank.

The end of the film is after the six months, where Chris successfully passes the examination and is hired....

>  My scene:
>  The two spend her their first night as homeless
> persons. Father
> and son sit in the subway station and play time travel;
> they imagine dinosaurs and escape in front of from
> these to a
> “cave”, which offers them protection and in which be
> they are able to spend the night. In reality this cave is a station
> toilet, it is presented to the son thanks to the play as an
> adventure and not as a tramp's existence. This scene points
> like the father looks after the son, him protects and gives
> him his love.

This scene points out how the father looks after the son, protects him and.....

> And of it with how much strength and nearly
> steadfast confidence Chris Gardner fights in order to be able to
> provide for his son.

Der Satzanfang erscheint mir seltsam, vielleicht besser: It (the scene) shows with how much strength.....

>  I have selected this scene because it is very touching.
> The scene shows how far a father goes like far to offer his son offer
> protection. In addition, the scene shows a father-son
> relationship which is very strong. And with by the game this
> the father plays with the his son plays he changes the subject and
> the current situation. He gives him courage.

Okay, aber er ändert ja nicht die Situation, sondern die Sicht darauf [mm] \Rightarrow [/mm] ....he changes the sight on the subject/situation.... oder?

>  
> Ich Danke im Voraus!!
>  
> MfG
>  mathemania

Ich hoffe ich war hilfreich.
Gruss Christian

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Handout: Korrektur
Status: (Frage) beantwortet Status 
Datum: 17:16 Mi 14.04.2010
Autor: mathemania

Hallo liebe Forumfreunde,

danke für die Antwort ja es war hilfreich. Also warum ich past genommen habe ist folgender weil die zeitangabe im film 1981 ist deswegen dachte ich, ich sollte auch past nehmen. Naja ich hätte noch paar fragen dazu:

> > hallo liebe Forumfreunde,
>  meinst du as other homeless (wie andere Obdachlose)?

ja hier meinte ich wie andere obdachlose!!

> Du berichtest ab hier im present, (was ich als richtig
> empfinde), warum dann vorher im past? Entscheide dich für
> eine Zeitform, ich würde present nehmen, da der Film ja
> immer noch existiert....

ok also ändere ich oben alles was im past ist ins präsens

>  > streets after he cannot pay his rent any more. After the

> 6
> > month placement, he completed a test and is assumed to be
>  jetzt wieder past?
> > the only one of the candidates in the company.
> hier ist der Inhalt nicht zu verstehen, er ist der einzige
> Kandidat "for" the company?

also hier meinte ich das er der einzige Bewerber ist der den test bestanden hat und angenommen wurde in dieser investment bank

>  > At the end

> > of the film therefore after six months in the action Chris
> > passes the final examination of his placement job
> > successfully and is hired by the investment bank.
>  The end of the film is after the six months, where Chris
> successfully passes the examination and is hired....
>  >  My scene:
>  >  The two spend her their first night as homeless
> > persons. Father
> > and son sit in the subway station and play time travel;
> > they imagine dinosaurs and escape in front of from
> > these to a
> > “cave”, which offers them protection and in which be
> > they are able to spend the night. In reality this cave is a
> station
> > toilet, it is presented to the son thanks to the play as an
> > adventure and not as a tramp's existence. This scene points
> > like the father looks after the son, him protects and gives
> > him his love.
> This scene points out how the father looks after the son,
> protects him and.....
>  > And of it with how much strength and nearly

> > steadfast confidence Chris Gardner fights in order to be
> able to
> > provide for his son.
>  Der Satzanfang erscheint mir seltsam, vielleicht besser:
> It (the scene) shows with how much strength.....
>  >  I have selected this scene because it is very touching.
> > The scene shows how far a father goes like far to offer his
> son offer
> > protection. In addition, the scene shows a father-son
> > relationship which is very strong. And with by the game
> this
> > the father plays with the his son plays he changes the
> subject and
> > the current situation. He gives him courage.
>  Okay, aber er ändert ja nicht die Situation, sondern die
> Sicht darauf [mm]\Rightarrow[/mm] ....he changes the sight on the
> subject/situation.... oder?

> Ich hoffe ich war hilfreich.
> Gruss Christian

Danke im Voraus!1

MfG
mathemania

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Handout: Antwort
Status: (Antwort) fertig Status 
Datum: 13:42 Do 15.04.2010
Autor: metalschulze


> danke für die Antwort ja es war hilfreich. Also warum ich
> past genommen habe ist folgender weil die zeitangabe im
> film 1981 ist deswegen dachte ich, ich sollte auch past
> nehmen.

ich sehe das so: man beschreibt die Handlung des Films, wie dieser abläuft, d.h. wird in dem Film die Zeit 1981 gezeigt [mm] \rightarrow [/mm] present (in dem Film ist es ja die Gegenwart), ist die Handlung aber z.B. 1990 und es wird über 1981 erzählt [mm] \rightarrow [/mm] past (im Film Vergangenheit)

Naja ich hätte noch paar fragen dazu:

>  
> > > hallo liebe Forumfreunde,
>  >  meinst du as other homeless (wie andere Obdachlose)?
> ja hier meinte ich wie andere obdachlose!!

dann beachte "other"

>  > Du berichtest ab hier im present, (was ich als richtig

> > empfinde), warum dann vorher im past? Entscheide dich für
> > eine Zeitform, ich würde present nehmen, da der Film ja
> > immer noch existiert....
>  ok also ändere ich oben alles was im past ist ins
> präsens

ich muss dazu sagen, ich kenn den Film nicht, aber s.o.
...
...

> > > the only one of the candidates in the company.
> > hier ist der Inhalt nicht zu verstehen, er ist der einzige
> > Kandidat "for" the company?
>  also hier meinte ich das er der einzige Bewerber ist der
> den test bestanden hat und angenommen wurde in dieser
> investment bank

dann schreib das doch so: ...the only candidate, who was able to pass the test....o.ä., vorher stand da in etwa: er ist der einzige der Kandidaten in der Gesellschaft/Firma. Hat sich keiner weiter beworben? Alle krank geworden?....
...
...

> > successfully passes the examination and is hired....

da stehts ;-)
Gruss Christian


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