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Es wäre echt nett, wenn jemand einen blick auf den text werfen könnte. Hatte teilweise probleme beim nachschlagen von diversen wörtern! und mein englisch ist leider nicht sehr gut.
DANKE schon im voraus!
The heir
Once upon a time there was a kingdom called Rosefield far far away from here. The king of this kingdom lived in beautiful castle on the hill. He was very rich and famous, because he supported the people and helped poor ones. The nation love their king and the queen. So the people called them the merciful king Jack and the graceful queen Johanna. King Jack was married 30 years and he still loved his beautiful wife Johanna. But there was one problem: Merciful king Jack was very old and sickly. They never had a child because Johanna was not able to give birth to one. So king Jack had to find a dignified male heir. He ordered courier to proclaim: My faithful citizens of Rosefield I am looking for an heir because I dont know how much time remains for me to live. I invite all sons of the kingdom to my castle. The bravest, most kind and most just one will be the prospective king of Rosefield.
The next day many young men came to the castle. King Jack and queen Johanna talked to everyone to find out how is the right one for the great heir. But there were many really brave and kind sons. King Jack had to find one, but he didnt know why. So he talked to his beautiful wife and she said: My esteemed husband, I probably know how to find the right one. All kings in this kingdom who had a name beginning with the letter J, such as king Jonathan, king Jacob or Jens, were good kings like you. Take the one whose name begin with an J and you will choose the right one. I promise you.
King Jack followed the advice of his wife, but the next problem came up: There were three young men left who had a name beginning with a J, Joe, Joshua and James. King Jack decided to test the last three in a task. He said: Joe, Joshua and James you have to find the most valuable thing of the world and bring it to me. You will find it hidden in the forest not far away from here, but you have to look at it carefully.
Joe, Joshua and James got horses and rode into the forest. James got the fastest and biggest horse. Joe said: Please give me your horse. I am so tall and I cannot ride on my little horse. James gave him the horse and said: I am short enough to ride on this horse. It is a pleasure to help you! They rode an hour through the wood, but they hadnt found anything.
So Joe wanted to search the most valuable thing in the world by himself and gave his competitors the slip. After some time he came to a deep and dark lake. In it he saw something shining. So Joe jumped into the water and dived for the shining thing. It was a very glamorous and expensive ring with a big diamante on it. Joe thought: This is the most valuable thing I ever have sawn. I am sure that this is the thing king Jack meant. So Joe went back to the castle.
After Joshua noticed that Joe was absent he got nervous. He didnt want to divide the most valuable thing with James so he attempted to search for it by himself. Joshua urged his horse on and galloped away from James. Joshua rode through the forest. At once there was a loud noise, his horse scared and throw Joshua. Then James passed by and stopped to help Joshua. He helped him to stand up and asked: Can I help you? Joshua jumped on the horse of James and said: I dont need your help! You will never find the most valuable thing in the world! Joshua galloped away and James was standing alone in the forest.
After some time Joshua came to a special tree. It was very thick and it looked (like) that there was something in it. He felt the tree and discovered a door. Joshua opened it and there was a special mirror in it. The mirror was decorated golden and if you looked in it you could see beautiful pictures. Joshua was sure that this was the most valuable thing in the world and returned to the castle. It became dark and James decided not leave the forest. When he was at the castle he saw Joe and Joshua standing with their most valuable things in the world. Joe had a ring and Joshua a mystery mirror. King Jack said: I see Joe you have found a very expensive things, but it isnt the most valuable thing in the world. Joshua wanted to show the king that he had not an ordinary mirror and he put it on the wall. He says: Mirror mirror on the wall, show me something wonderful! Suddenly the mirror started to shine and glimmer. King Jack came closer to the mirror and then he saw what happened in the forest. He said: Now I know who is the right one for the heir. Joshua smiled. The king continued: Joshua you found something very special in the forest but you wont be the prospective king of Rosefield! James owns the most valuable thing in the world. He is helpful and kind-hearted. It is true that James doesnt hold something expensive in his hands, but in his heart. James, I am sure, you will a good king!
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(Mitteilung) Reaktion unnötig  | | Datum: | 19:11 Di 16.12.2008 | | Autor: | moody |
Ich habe deine andere Fragestellung versteckt. Du hast diese wohl versehentlich zweimal gepostet.
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(Antwort) fertig  | | Datum: | 14:18 Mi 17.12.2008 | | Autor: | Eliss |
Hallo,
ich fang einfach mal an, mit dem was mir auffällt:
> The heir
> Once upon a time there was a kingdom called Rosefield
> far far away from here. The king of this kingdom lived in
> beautiful castle on the hill. He was very rich and famous,
in a beautiful castle on a hill
(du weißt nicht welcher Hügel)
> because he supported the people and helped poor ones. The
> nation love their king and the queen. So the people called
the nation loved (du must in der Vergangenheit bleiben)
> them the merciful king Jack and the graceful queen Johanna.
King Jack und Queen Johanna (Eigenname, groß geschrieben)
> King Jack was married 30 years and he still loved his
> beautiful wife Johanna. But there was one problem: Merciful
> king Jack was very old and sickly. They never had a child
They have never had a child (never ist Signalwort für Present Perfect)
> because Johanna was not able to give birth to one. So king
> Jack had to find a dignified male heir. He ordered courier
> to proclaim: My faithful citizens of Rosefield I am
> looking for an heir because I dont know how much time
> remains for me to live. I invite all sons of the kingdom to
> my castle. The bravest and most kind will get
> the prospective king of Rosefield.
> The next day many young men came to the castle. King Jack
> and queen Johanna talked to everyone to find out how is the
who was the (du musst in der Vergangenheit bleiben!)
> right one for the great heir. But there were many really
> brave and kind sons. King Jack had to find one, but he
> didnt know why. So he talked to his beautiful wife and she
He didn´t know how (nicht why=warum; sonder wie=how)
> said: My esteemed husband, I probably know how to find the
> right one. All kings in this kingdom who had a name
> beginning with the letter J, such as king Jonathan, king
> Jacob or Jens, were good kings like you. Take the one whose
King Jonathan, King Jacob or King Jens (Eigenname)
wähle aus = choose the one whose
> name begin with an J and you will choose the right one. I
the name begins (he,she,it das "s" muss mit)
> promise you.
> King Jack followed the advice of his wife, but the next
> problem came up: There were three young men left who had a
> name beginning with a J, Joe, Joshua and James. King Jack
> decided to test the last three in a task. He said: Joe,
> Joshua and James you have to find the most valuable thing
> of the world and bring it to me. You will find it hidden in
> the forest not far away from here, but you have to look at
> it carefully.
to look for it=suchen
> Joe, Joshua and James got horses and rode into the forest.
> James got the fastest and biggest horse. Joe said: Please
> give me your horse. I am so tall and I cannot ride on my
> little horse. James gave him the horse and said: I am
> short enough to ride on this horse. It is a pleasure to
> help you! They rode an hour through the wood, but they
> hadnt found anything.
> So Joe wanted to search the most valuable thing in the
> world by himself and gave his competitors the slip. After
> some time he came to a deep and dark lake. In it he saw
> something shining. So Joe jumped into the water and dived
> for the shining thing. It was a very glamorous and
> expensive ring with a big diamante on it. Joe thought:
> This is the most valuable thing I ever have sawn. I am
> sure that this is the thing king Jack meant. So Joe went
> back to the castle.
> After Joshua noticed that Joe was absent he got nervous.
> He didnt want to divide the most valuable thing with James
> so he attempted to search for it by himself. Joshua urged
> his horse on and galloped away from James. Joshua rode
> through the forest. At once there was a loud noise, his
> horse scared and throw Joshua. Then James passed by and
> stopped to help Joshua. He helped him to stand up and
> asked: Can I help you? Joshua jumped on the horse of
> James and said: I dont need your help! You will never
> find the most valuable thing in the world! Joshua galloped
> away and James was standing alone in the forest.
> After some time Joshua came to a special tree. It was very
> thick and it looked like that there was something in it.
> He felt the tree and discovered a door. Joshua opened it
> and there was a special mirror in it. The mirror was
> decorated golden and if you looked in it you could see
> beautiful pictures. Joshua was sure that this was the most
> valuable thing in the world and returned to the castle. It
> became dark and James decided not leave the forest. When he
> was at the castle he saw Joe and Joshua standing with their
> most valuable things in the world. Joe had a ring and
> Joshua a mystery mirror. King Jack said: I see Joe you
> have found a very expensive things, but it isnt the most
> valuable thing in the world. Joshua wanted to show the
> king that he had not an ordinary mirror and he put it on
> the wall. He says: Mirror mirror on the wall, show me
> something wonderful! Suddenly the mirror started to shine
> and glimmer. King Jack came closer to the mirror and then
> he saw what happened in the forest. He said: Now I know
> who is the right one for the heir. Joshua smiled. The king
> continued: Joshua you found something very special in the
> forest but you wont be the prospective king of
> Rosefield! James owns the most valuable thing in the
> world. He is helpful and kind-hearted. It is true that
> James doesnt hold something expensive in his hands, but in
> his heart. James, I am sure, you will a good king!
James, I am sure you will be a good king!"
Da ist aber jetzt noch nicht alles verbessert, das müsste noch mal jemand kontrollieren.
Gruß
eliss
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wär schön, wenn jemand noch einen Blick darauf werfen könnte! DANKE
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Hallo little.bubble,
Ein langer Text, aber glücklicherweise mit wenig Fehlern. Dein Englisch ist wirklich gut!
Ich nehme als Vorlage mal die Korrektur von eliss, dann kann ich mir ja schon den größten Teil an Anmerkungen sparen...
Meine sind rot, auch kleinere Korrekturen im Text.
> The heir
> Once upon a time there was a kingdom called Rosefield
> far far away from here. The king of this kingdom lived in
> beautiful castle on the hill.
in a beautiful castle on a hill
(du weißt nicht welcher Hügel)
> He was very rich and famous,
> because he supported the people and helped the poor ones.
Der Satz stimmt in Grammatik und Vokabular, nicht aber im Sinnzusammenhang: er war sehr reich und berühmt, weil er... Dabei ist er reich geworden? Eher: Obwohl er sehr reich war, war er beliebt, denn...
Although he was very rich, he was popular among his people because he supportem them and helped the poor.
> The nation love their king and the queen. So the people called
the nation loved (du musst in der Vergangenheit bleiben)
> them the merciful king Jack and the graceful queen Johanna.
King Jack und Queen Johanna (Eigenname, groß geschrieben)
Ich würde im Englischen die Namensform Joanna bevorzugen.
> King Jack had been married 30 years and he still loved his
> beautiful wife Johanna.
Vorvergangenheit, die bis an die Erzählvergangenheit heranreicht.
> But there was one problem: Merciful
> king Jack was very old and sickly. They had never had a child
They have never had a child (never ist Signalwort für Present Perfect)
Nachkorrektur: das gilt, wenn die Erzählzeit Präsens ist. Hier ist wieder Past Perfect nötig!
> because Johanna was not able to give birth to one. So king
> Jack had to find a dignified male worthy heir.
Du meinst hier doch würdig nicht im Sinne von ehrenwert, sondern von angemessen.
> He ordered courier (entweder a courier oder couriers
> to proclaim: My faithful citizens of Rosefield, I am
> looking for an heir because I dont know how much time
> remains for me to live. I invite all sons of the kingdom to
> my castle. The bravest and most kind will get become/be declared
Oh, der Mutigste darf den zukünftigen König mitnehmen??
> the prospective king of Rosefield.
> The next day many young men came to the castle. King Jack
> and queen Johanna talked to everyone to find out how is the
who was the (du musst in der Vergangenheit bleiben!)
> right one for to be the great heir.
Vielleicht noch besser: ... to inherit their kingdom.
> But there were many really
> brave and kind sons. King Jack had to find one, but he
> didnt know why. So he talked to his beautiful wife and she
He didn´t know how (nicht why=warum; sonder wie=how)
> said: My esteemed husband, I probably know how to find the
> right one. All kings in this kingdom who had a name
> beginning with the letter J, such as king Jonathan, king
> Jacob or Jens, were good kings like you. Take the one whose
King Jonathan, King Jacob or King Jens (Eigenname)
wähle aus = choose the one whose
> name begin with an a J and you will choose the right one.
the name begins (he,she,it das "s" muss mit)
> I promise you.
Insgesamt besser: Choose (the) one whose initial is a "J" and you will be fine, I promise.
> King Jack followed the advice of his wife, but the next
> problem came up: There were three young men left who had a
> name beginning with a J, Joe, Joshua and James. King Jack
> decided to test the last three in a task. He said: Joe,
> Joshua and James, you have to find the most valuable thing
> of the world and bring it to me. You will find it hidden in
> the forest not far away from here, but you have to look at
> it carefully.
to look for it=suchen
> Joe, Joshua and James got horses and rode into the forest.
> James got the fastest and biggest horse. Joe said: Please
> give me your horse. I am so tall and I cannot ride on my
> little horse. James gave him the horse and said: I am
> short enough to ride on this horse. It is a pleasure to
> help you! They rode an hour through the wood for an hour, but they
> hadnt found didn't/couldn't find anything.
> So Joe wanted to search the most valuable thing in the
> world by himself and gave his competitors the slip.
Das klingt in meinen Ohren zu modern umgangssprachlich, aber ich mag mich irren. Märchensprache wäre für mich eher "and parted (company) with his competitors" oder auch "and severed/separated from ..."
> After some time he came to a deep and dark lake. In it he saw
> something shining. So Joe jumped into the water and dived
> for the shining thing. It was a very glamorous and
> expensive ring with a big diamond on it. Joe thought:
> This is the most valuable thing I ever have seen. I am
> sure that this is the thing king Jack meant. So Joe went
> back to the castle.
> After Joshua had noticed that Joe was absent he got nervous.
Wenn Du es gleichzeitig willst: As/when Joshua noticed that...
> He didnt want to divide the most valuable thing with James
klingt wieder komisch. You don't divide sth. with so. You share sth. with so. or you divide it up between the two of you.
> so he attempted to search for it by himself. Joshua urged
> his horse on and galloped away from James. Joshua rode
> through the forest. At once there was a loud noise, his
> horse scared and threw Joshua off (his back).
> Then James passed by and
> stopped to help Joshua. He helped him to stand up and
> asked: Can I help you? Joshua jumped on the horse of
> James and said: I dont need your help! You will never
> find the most valuable thing in the world! Joshua galloped
> away and James was standing alone in the forest.
> After some time Joshua came to a special tree. It was very
> thick and it looked like that there was something in it.
> He felt the tree and discovered a door.
to feel geht hier nicht, es geht ja um das haptische Befühlen eines Gegenstands. Gently touching/scrutinizing its bark, he discovered...
> Joshua opened it
> and there was a special mirror in it. The mirror was
> decorated golden and if you looked in it you could see
> beautiful pictures. Joshua was sure that this was the most
> valuable thing in the world and returned to the castle. It
> became dark and James decided not to leave the forest.
> When he
> was at returned to the castle he saw Joe and Joshua standing with their
oder: On his return to the castle, ...
> most valuable things in the world. Joe had a ring and
> Joshua a mystery mirror. King Jack said: I see Joe you
> have found a very expensive things, but it isnt the most
> valuable thing in the world. Joshua wanted to show the
> king that he had not an ordinary mirror and he put it on
> the wall. He says: Mirror, mirror on the wall, show me
> something wonderful! Suddenly the mirror started to shine
> and glimmer. King Jack came closer to the mirror and then
> he saw what happened in the forest. He said: Now I know
> who is the right one for the heir. Joshua smiled. The king
> continued: Joshua, you found something very special in the
> forest but you wont be the prospective king of
> Rosefield! James owns the most valuable thing in the
> world. He is helpful and kind-hearted. It is true that
> James doesnt hold something expensive in his hands, but in
> his heart. James, I am sure, you will a good king!
Da ist aber jetzt noch nicht alles verbessert, das müsste noch mal jemand kontrollieren.
Gruß
eliss
Hab ich versucht.
lg,
reverend
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