Observation < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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| Status: |
(Frage) beantwortet  | | Datum: | 17:25 Do 13.11.2008 | | Autor: | Pacenia |
| Aufgabe | | Write an observation! |
Ich habe diese Frage in keinem Forum auf anderen Internetseiten gestellt
Würde mich freuen, wenn jemand meine Hausafgabe kontrollieren könnte. Bin mir nicht immer sicher ob Grammatik stimmt und ob ich passende Vokabeln verwendet habe:
It is a stormy day. The sky is grey and cloudy and it seems that a rain shower is imminent. The streets of the little city are crammed with cars and busses but the pavements are empty except some hasting darkly dressed pedestrians here and there. Nobody wants to stay out on this day.
Unlike the rest of the city, the station is full of people.
Most of them do not know each other but they have the same in common: to wait. Some of them wait for the arriving of somebody and others for the train they are going to catch.
A lot of people are waiting alone. They are walking up and down the platform or sitting on one of the cold metallic banks, watching out for not to approximate too much to the persons beside them. The eyes of most of them are abutting on the station clock. Some of the people pass the time reading books or newspapers, talking to each other or to a mobile phone.
Teenagers are standing together in a group, chatting, laughing and making jokes. Their backpacks are carelessly plunked behind them, next to a wet painted balustrade.
They are loud, happy and full of vitality- the weather does not overshadow their good spirits.
However the majority of the resided people is quiet and reflective, they seem to be meditatively concentrated on their own thoughts and frigid to all the things around them as if they have escaped from the world outside and withdrawn into their own.
More and more people arrive and the platform fills up. They are taking bags, purses or suitcases with them. The most of them are returning from work or school, but a few are going to travel or are on their way back home having a stopover in here.
An old man is climbing up the stairs to rail number four. He is taking a fretted suitcase of leather with him. His apparel is old-fashioned but cultivated. His left hand is put in the pocket of his tawny jacket to protect it from the cool wind while he is carrying the suitcase with the other hand.
He is a tall man with a stout build and about sixty years old, though his agitations do not betray age as he walks with the levity and strength of a young man.
His face looks grim and cool but nearly without crinkles. He does not pay attention to nobody of the people around him and walks strait to a point where he stays.
The wind has makes his cheeks and the tip of his nose become rosy. His short dark hair is full and tinged with gray.
His eyes are attentive and of a dark colour, not exactly definable by the darkness of the day. They reinforce the impression of strength which is expressed in his agitations. But there is something behind his view that stands in a big contrast to it- a big sadness and vulnerability most likely caused by a bereavement not long since.
The golden ring on his right hand is the only visible hint to it. It reminds on the person he once shared his life with and the reason for the sadness in his eyes.
It seems as if he tries to hide his vulnerable personality by being brisk and aloof towards the people around him.
The wind blows the last dirty-brown leaves from the trees. They scamper between the feed of the waiting people.
Engrossed in thoughts the old man knits his bushy dark brows which makes him look ferocious. Something he is thinking about annoys him; he takes a look at the station clock and shakes his head. A shape of disappointment comes over his face.
He hopes for someone to come.
The more time goes by the more obvious becomes the sadness that is reflected in his eyes. It extends over all of his face and his body so that he does no longer seem the strong and vital old man.
It is the undefinable enormous sadness that dominates his mind.
In the few minutes that have passed since his arrival at the station his appearance has completely changed.
His shoulders are hanging and it seems that all the energy that had given him his special aura has leaked from his body. The colour of his face is wan and his inner preoccupations become apparent on it.
Now he gives the impression of being a fragile, ill and old man.
He becomes impatient and starts to walk up and down the rail with a flurry stride and bestows a glance upon the station-clock, smoothing his jacket.
Finally he stops walking, extracts his left hand of his pocket and holds a plaid handkerchief in it which he uses to blow his nose. This uncovers a bruise and several excoriations on his hand and wrist.
In reality he is not the strong man he pretends to be. His body is old and fragile and the coldness of humidity of the season affect his bones. He has problems to keep his balance and tends to fall down.
It seems to be part of his personality to hide his debilities. He tried to hide the result of his last accident , the injury of his hand, as he also used to do with his inner injury.
Now everything has turned out and all that keeps over is the sadness and debility of a broken old man.
The wind intensifies and blows through the underground crossing. It starts to rain. The old man groans and droops.
Suddenly a young man, about thirty years old, jumps up the stairs and calls a name. The old man flinches and straightens up.
The familiar self assurance returns into his body. His left hand he has already put back in his pocket. He clears his throat, puts his suitcase on the ground beside next to his feet but does not butch. The young man comes to him and is being received with a stroke. It does not catch his eye that the old man is playing act.
They look at each other with frigid and emotionless eyes and keep a straight face not saying a word to each other.
They are alike, in their build as well as in their way of behavior.
The hook-nosed face and the expressive eyes, also the body height, are similar and it is easy to become aware of that they are father and son.
The relationship between them is difficult. The father does not take frankly in stock the son's life nor does he show his affection to him, so that the son has cut him out of it. There is no one who arbitrates between them and their stubbornness keeps them in distance to each other.
The atmosphere is tense. The men refuse to show any emotions as it means a sign of weakness to them. Neither of them rises to speak and so they keep standing there in silence. But the old man seems to be eased. Although he is not able to show him, his son is important to him. He might be all he has in this world and thinking that he would not come to say good-bye to him had disappointed him a lot and taken his composure.
Now he feels happy about his son showing interest to him. He needs this bit of attention.
All the people at the station are becoming more and more nervous.
They leave their seats, pick up their pieces of luggage and keep waiting next to the rails with their eyes glued at the clock.
Out of the distance emerges the sound of the incoming train. It starts with a soft whistling-noise and then gets more and more a loud swoosh.
A strong wind blows and the hairs of the waiting people are fluttering around. A voice sounds that announces the train. It is hardly to understand.
The train pulls into the station with high velocity and brakes producing a displeasing sound of squeaking.
It stops. The doors are opened from inside and some of the passengers get off the waggon and walk at a swift pace towards the stairs, down to the undercrossing and out of the station. They are accompanied by the sound of the trolley bags which are trailing some of them.
The other people are waiting in a cluster to get in. A few are waiting apart, hugging someone they say good-bye to.
The old man and his son are still standing together on the same place and look at the train. Then the older man stoops slowly and picks up his suitcase. He looks at his son and a whiff of a smile comes over his face. Then they shake hands and the old man goes.
When he reaches the queue he takes a look back to his son and nods to him.
The people in front of him push in and bump into each other trying to get in as fast as possible.
The old man is the last one who gets in. He climbs up the stairs and disappears in the train. His son follows him with the eyes and takes the stairs to go away.
The doors of the train beep and close automatically and simultaneously. A few seconds pass and the wheels are set in motion.
A woman is the only person left at the platform. She is waving and blows a kiss to someone. She tries to keep up with the moving train and gives up as it gets too fast. Then she sets off too.
It remains the empty platform, the leaves and the wind.
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| Status: |
(Antwort) fertig  | | Datum: | 22:13 Do 13.11.2008 | | Autor: | mmhkt |
Guten Abend,
mal sehen, was sich machen lässt und ob nach mir noch einer drüberschaut und ergänzt was ich eventuell übersehen habe.
> Write an observation!
> Ich habe diese Frage in keinem Forum auf anderen
> Internetseiten gestellt
>
>
> Würde mich freuen, wenn jemand meine Hausafgabe
> kontrollieren könnte. Bin mir nicht immer sicher ob
> Grammatik stimmt und ob ich passende Vokabeln verwendet
> habe:
>
> It is a stormy day. The sky is grey and cloudy and it seems
> that a rain shower is imminent. The streets of the little
> city are crammed with cars and busses but the pavements are
> empty except some hasting darkly dressed pedestrians here
> and there. Nobody wants to stay out on this day.
>
> Unlike the rest of the city, the station is full of people.
> Most of them do not know each other but they have the same
> in common: to wait. Some of them wait for the arriving of
> somebody and others for the train they are going to catch.
> A lot of people are waiting alone. They are walking up and
> down the platform or sitting (entweder "are sitting" oder nur "sit") on one of the cold metallic
> banks, ("benchs" passt m.E. besser) watching out for not to approximate too much to the
> persons beside them. The eyes of most of them are abutting (willst Du sagen, "die Augen hängen an der Uhr"?
> on the station clock. Some of the people pass the time
> reading books or newspapers, talking to each other or to a
> mobile phone.
> Teenagers are standing together in a group, chatting,
> laughing and making jokes. Their backpacks are carelessly
> plunked behind them, next to a wet painted balustrade.
> They are loud, happy and full of vitality- the weather does
> not overshadow their good spirits.
> However the majority of the resided (ist das wirklich das am besten passende Wort für "anwesend"?) people is quiet and
> reflective, they seem to be meditatively concentrated on
> their own thoughts and frigid to all the things around them
> as if they have escaped from the world outside and
> withdrawn into their own.
>
> More and more people arrive and the platform fills up. They
> are taking bags, purses or suitcases with them. The most
> of them are returning from work or school, but a few are
> going to travel or are on their way back home having a
> stopover in here.
>
> An old man is climbing up the stairs to rail number four.
> He is taking a fretted suitcase of leather with him. His
> apparel is old-fashioned but cultivated. His left hand is
> put in the pocket of his tawny jacket to protect it from
> the cool wind while he is carrying the suitcase with the
> other hand.
> He is a tall man with a stout build and about sixty years
> old, though his agitations do not betray his age as he walks
> with the levity and strength of a young man.
> His face looks grim and cool but nearly without crinkles.
> He does not pay attention to nobody anybody of the people around
> him and walks strait straight to a point where he stays.
> The wind has makes made his cheeks and the tip of his nose
> become rosy. His short dark hair is full and tinged with
> gray grey.
> His eyes are attentive and of a dark colour, not exactly
> definable by the darkness of the day. They reinforce the
> impression of strength which is expressed in his
> agitations. But there is something behind his view that
> stands in a big contrast to it- a big sadness and
> vulnerability most likely caused by a bereavement not long
> since ago.
> The golden ring on his right hand is the only visible hint
> to it. It reminds on the person he once shared his life
> with and the reason for the sadness in his eyes.
> It seems as if he tries to hide his vulnerable personality
> by being brisk and aloof towards the people around him.
>
> The wind blows the last dirty-brown leaves from the trees.
> They scamper between the feedt of the waiting people.
> Engrossed in thoughts the old man knits his bushy dark
> brows which makes (entweder: "what makes..." wenn es sich auf das "knit the brows" bezieht - oder "which make..." wenn es sich auf die dunklen, buschigen Augenbrauen als solche bezieht) him look ferocious. Something he is
> thinking about annoys him; he takes a look at the station
> clock and shakes his head. A shape of disappointment comes
> over his face.
> He hopes for someone to come.
> The more time goes by the more obvious becomes the sadness
> that is reflected in his eyes. It extends over all of (vielleicht so: "all over..." ohne "of") his
> face and his body so that he does no longer seem (ich glaube, hier sollte noch ein "to be" hin) the strong
> and vital old man.
> It is the undefinable enormous sadness that dominates his
> mind.
> In the few minutes that have passed since his arrival at
> the station his appearance has completely changed.
> His shoulders are hanging and it seems that all the energy
> that had given him his special aura has leaked from his
> body. The colour of his face is wan and his inner
> preoccupations become apparent on it.
> Now he gives the impression of being a fragile, ill and old
> man.
> He becomes impatient and starts to walk up and down the
> rail with a flurry stride and bestows a glance upon the
> station-clock, smoothing his jacket.
> Finally he stops walking, extracts (wäre "pulls" nicht einfacher?) his left hand of his
> pocket and holds a plaid handkerchief in it which he uses
> to blow his nose. This uncovers a bruise and several
> excoriations on his hand and wrist.
> In reality he is not the strong man he pretends to be. His
> body is old and fragile and the coldness of (entweder noch ein "the" vor humidity oder hinter coldness statt "of" ein "and") humidity of
> the season affects his bones. He has problems to keep his
> balance and tends to fall down.
> It seems to be part of his personality to hide his
> debilities. He tried to hide the result of his last
> accident , the injury of his hand, as he also used to do
> with his inner injury.
> Now everything has turned out and all that keeps over (wenn es "alles was bleibt" oder "...übrig bleibt" heißen soll, dann vielleicht besser "remains" is
> the sadness and debility of a broken old man.
>
> The wind intensifies and blows through the underground
> crossing. It starts to rain. The old man groans and droops.
> Suddenly a young man, about thirty years old, jumps up the
> stairs and calls a name. The old man flinches and
> straightens up.
> The familiar self assurance returns into his body. His left
> hand he has already put back in his pocket. (Den Satz würde ich etwas umstellen: "He has already put his left hand back...) He clears his
> throat, puts his suitcase on the ground beside next to his
> feet but does not butch. The young man comes to him and is
> being received with a stroke. It does not catch his eye
> that the old man is playing act.
> They look at each other with frigid and emotionless eyes
> and keep a straight face not saying a word to each other.
>
> They are alike, in their build as well as in their way of
> behavior.
> The hook-nosed face and the expressive eyes, also the body
> height, are similar and it is easy to become aware of that
> they are father and son.
> The relationship between them is difficult. The father does
> not take frankly in stock the son's life nor does he show
> his affection to him, so that the son has cut him out of
> it. There is no one who arbitrates between them and their
> stubbornness keeps them in distance to each other.
> The atmosphere is tense. The men refuse to show any
> emotions as it means a sign of weakness to them. Neither of
> them rises to speak and so they keep standing there in
> silence. But the old man seems to be eased. Although he is
> not able to show him, his son is important to him. He might
> be all he has in this world and thinking that he would not
> come to say good-bye to him had disappointed him a lot and
> taken his composure.
> Now he feels happy about his son showing interest to him.
> He needs this bit of attention.
> All the people at the station are becoming more and more
> nervous.
> They leave their seats, pick up their pieces of luggage and
> keep waiting next to the rails with their eyes glued at the
> clock.
>
> Out of the distance emerges the sound of the incoming
> train. It starts with a soft whistling-noise and then gets
> more and more a loud swoosh. (vielleicht statt "gets": "increases more and more to a...
> A strong wind blows and the hairs (alle Haare/die Haare: "hair" ohne s, einzelne Haare "hairs") of the waiting people (hm, war da nicht was mit s-Genitiv bei Personen satt of... the waiting people's hair... are
> fluttering around. A voice sounds that announces the train.
> It is hardly to understand.
> The train pulls into the station with high velocity and
> brakes producing a displeasing sound of squeaking.
> It stops. The doors are opened from inside and some of the
> passengers get off the waggon and walk at a swift pace
> towards the stairs, down to the undercrossing and out of
> the station. They are accompanied by the sound of the
> trolley bags which are trailing (hier sollte m.E. noch ein "behind" hin) some of them.
> The other people are waiting in a cluster to get in. A few
> are waiting apart, hugging someone they say good-bye to.
> The old man and his son are still standing together on the
> same place and look at the train. Then the older elder man stoops
> slowly and picks up his suitcase. He looks at his son and a
> whiff of a smile comes over his face. Then they shake hands
> and the old man goes.
> When he reaches the queue he takes a look back to his son
> and nods to him.
> The people in front of him push in and bump into each
> other trying to get in as fast as possible.
> The old man is the last one who gets in. He climbs up the
> stairs and disappears in the train. His son follows him
> with the eyes and takes the stairs to go away.
>
> The doors of the train beep and close automatically and
> simultaneously. A few seconds pass and the wheels are set
> in motion.
> A woman is the only person left at the platform. She is
> waving and blows a kiss to someone. She tries to keep up
> with the moving train and gives up as it gets too fast.
> Then she sets off, too. (Komma vor "too")
> It remains the empty platform, the leaves and the wind.
Alles wie immer ohne Garantie auf Vollständigkeit und Richtigkeit.
Schönen Gruß
mmhkt
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