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| Aufgabe | EXT.GRAVEYARD - SOMEWHERE - AFTER LESTERS FUNERAL
On VIDEO: In an cold, grey day Ricky and Jane are Standing next to Lesters grave. Bot are lost into their thoughts. Jane light a candle, Ricky doesnt respond hes still staring at the grave. Ricky doesnt react, hes still staring in the space.After a while he turns round and goes out of the graveyard. Jane doesnt respond, she was still starin at her fathers grave.
RICKY
Jane! Come on!
(FLASHBACK-LESTER?-MUSIC ANY OTHER NAME-THOMAS NEWMAN) Jane awakes from her memories at firstly turns round but doesnt move.
RICKY
Jane!
She looks on the grave and turns round takes a few steps and reluctantly turns round and looks for a second a last time on the grave and runs to Ricky. Outside of the graveyard we see Ricky and Jane walking down the street.
RICKY
Everything is ob?I know youre mourning abtut him, you didnt want I kill him.
But look, now well start a new life It was our last day in this City. You will be surprised about it I promise. There is so much Beauty in the World you will see,it will be better.
He Stops but Jane ignores and goes on. Ricky takes out his mobile Phone dialed a Phone number and speaks a while and picked up.
(LONG SHOT - FAR DISTANCE, AMBIENCE VISIBLE?)
JANE
Im happy to have a Chance to start new life with you. I cant describe it.
I hope it will be better than my life with my mom and dad.nowthing will prevent us to be Lucky.
Silence for a while. A cab arrives Jane and Ricky look at each Other and Ricky opens the door. Jane Steps in, Ricky as well. The cab Drives therefrom.
(BACKGROUND MUSIC- TIME TO GOODBYE)[until ther are in NY]
FADES BLACK (?)
EXT .NEW YORK - SUBURBAN DISTRICT - SOME HOURS LATER
On VIDEO: Jane and Ricky are looking for a youth hostel for overnight stay.
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Hallo zusammen,
könnte mal vielleicht einer diesen Text auf Grammtik udn Ausdrucksfehler überprüfen?Oder könnte vielleicht mir mal einer Tipps geben wie ich den Text umschrieben soll,damit es besser klingt?
Vielen Dank im voraus,
MfG,
tokthey-Itho
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(Antwort) fertig  | | Datum: | 22:31 Fr 14.03.2008 | | Autor: | chrisno |
Hallo Thokey,
da hast Du ja noch einiges vor Dir. Als Fachfremden fällt mir etliches auf:
> EXT.GRAVEYARD - SOMEWHERE - AFTER LESTERS FUNERAL
>
>
> On VIDEO: In an cold, grey day Ricky and Jane are
> Standing
standing
> next to Lesters grave. Bot are lost into their thoughts.
in
> Jane light a candle, Ricky doesnt respond hes still
lights
> staring at the grave. Ricky doesnt react, hes still
> staring in the space.After a while he turns round and
staring in the space? Wie hieß das auf Deutsch?
> goes
leaves
> out of the graveyard. Jane doesnt respond, she was still
Inwelcher Zeit bist Du nun? does not vs. was
> starin at her fathers grave.
>
>
> RICKY
> Jane! Come on!
> (FLASHBACK-LESTER?-MUSIC ANY OTHER NAME-THOMAS NEWMAN)
> Jane awakes from her memories at firstly turns round but
was soll das heißen? at first she turns, but does not move afterwards?
> doesnt move.
>
> RICKY
> Jane!
> She looks on the grave and turns round takes a few
> steps
> and reluctantly turns round and looks for a second a last
dreimal turns
> time on the grave and runs to Ricky. Outside of the
at the grave
> graveyard we see Ricky and Jane walking down the street.
>
> RICKY
> Everything is ob?I know youre mourning
ok
> abtut him, you
about
> didnt want I kill him.
meinst Du did not want me to kill him?
> But look, now well start a new life It was > our last day
> in this City. You will be surprised
city
> about it I promise.
> There is so much Beauty in the World you will see,it will
> be better.
beauty
>
> He Stops but Jane ignores and goes on. Ricky takes out
stops
ignores what?
> his
> mobile Phone dialed a Phone number and speaks a while and
> picked up.
phone ... diales ... phone
hangs up?
> (LONG SHOT - FAR DISTANCE, AMBIENCE VISIBLE?)
> JANE
>
> Im happy to have a Chance to start new
chance
> life with you. I
> cant describe it.
> I hope it will be better than my life with > my mom and
> dad.nowthing will prevent us to be Lucky.
nun habe ich keine Lust mehr, Dich auf die fälschlicherweise großgeschriebenen Worte hinzuweisen.
Nach den Satzzeichen fehlt häufig ein Leerzeichen.
>
> Silence for a while. A cab arrives Jane and Ricky look > at
> each Other and Ricky opens the door. Jane Steps in, Ricky
> as well. The cab Drives therefrom.
therefrom? Ist das ein Stilmittel? drives away?
> (BACKGROUND MUSIC- TIME TO GOODBYE)[until ther are in
> NY]
> FADES BLACK (?)
>
> EXT .NEW YORK - SUBURBAN DISTRICT - SOME HOURS LATER
>
> On VIDEO: Jane and Ricky are looking for a youth hostel
> for
> overnight stay.
to spend the night
>
>
>
>
> Hallo zusammen,
>
> könnte mal vielleicht einer diesen Text auf Grammtik udn
> Ausdrucksfehler überprüfen?Oder könnte vielleicht mir mal
> einer Tipps geben wie ich den Text umschrieben soll,damit
> es besser klingt?
>
> Vielen Dank im voraus,
>
> MfG,
> tokthey-Itho
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hallo,
viele der Fehler sind durch die Rechtschreibfunktion von Word gekommen.Einige Worte werden automatisch umgeändert,manchmal nur ein Buchastabe,sodass ich diese scheinbar übersehen habe.
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