story < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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| Aufgabe | | One Day. Dana was in front of her computer in her room. She was very angry because she loved Jarrod but he ignored her. he seemed to be in love with Clare. She looked at her computer and then she suddenly knew what to do. She write an E-Mail to Clare that she will meet her tomorrow at 3 o clock. Later she called her best friend Chantal that Clare has said that her mom is a bitch and chantal will be a tart. Chantal she was shocked. The folowing day after school they meet and Dana fight with her freinds of Clare. Then comes Jarrod and going betwenn the girls. Someone has called the police and they took the girls to the police office. They are talked to Clare and she said that she had nothing to do with this fight. Then they talked to the other girls but she said she have nothing doing. The day after the fight the police became a film with the fight and than can see tat was Dana and Chantal. Te girls must going to the (richter) and he (strekt aus ) that the girls must do 50 hoursof community serviye the girls cry and apologize to clare. Finally Jarrod comes to Clare and said her what he feels to her and she feels the same too and he will ( beschützen) sie in the future. And now they are happy. |
Hey ich bin es mal wieder Luisa ich ahbe eine bitte und zwar ich soll eine bilder geschichte in worte fassen un dzwar auf englsich die geschichte sieht so aus das ein mädchen eine nachricht schickt das sie sich mit einem anderen mädchen treffen will sie diejenige ist in der ihre heimliche Liebe verliebt ist und er ignoriert sie. Dann erzählt sie ihren freunden das sie ihre mutter beleidigt hätte und ihre freundin auch so das siese ihr helfen.- Am nächsten tag schlagen sie sich dann geht Jarrod der junge in den sie verliebt ist dazwischen und dann sind sie bei der polizei die die geschlagen haben sagen sie hätten nichts getan doch der Kampf wurde gefilmt daran sehen si edas sie lügen dann kommen sie vor den richter der sagt " you ll have to do 50 hours of community service " also gemein nützige arbeit sie weinen und das andere mädchen ist draußen und zusammne mit dem jungen. Diese geschichte habe ich versucht zu schrieben könnte diese bitte ienr korrigieren ich wäre euch sooo fankbar. Vielen Dank Luisa
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One Day, Dana was in front of her computer in her room. She was very angry because she loved Jarrod but he ignored her. He seemed to be in love with Clare. She looked at her computer and then she suddenly knew what to do. She sent an E-Mail to Clare and wrote that she wanted to meet her tomorrow at 3 o` clock. Later she told her best friend Chantal that Clare had said that her mom is a bitch and chantal will be a tart. ????
Bitte sag mir was das für einen Sin ergeben soll
Chantal was shocked. The following day after school they met theirself and Dana fought with clare`s friend. Then came Jarrod and went betwenn the girls. Someone has called the police and they took the girls to the police office. They asked Clare about the event and she said that she had nothing to do with this fight. Then they talked to the other girls and said that she handn`t done anything. The following day the police got a film with the fight and they could what Dana and Chantal had done. The girls had to go to the lawyer and he ordered them to do 50 hours of community service. The girls cried and apologized to clare. Finally Jarrod came to Clare and told her what he felt to her and she felt the same. He apologized her to protect her in future. And from there they were happy.
habs nur schnell korrigiert, also nich perfekt.
hab leider grad keine Zeit ich schreib morgen vielleicht noch was dazu.
LG
Wissensbegierde
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(Korrektur) fundamentaler Fehler  | | Datum: | 15:55 Mi 16.04.2008 | | Autor: | hAzEL. |
One Day, Dana was in front of her computer in her room.
>At her computer.
She was very angry because she loved Jarrod but he ignored her. He seemed to be in love with Clare. She looked at her computer and then she suddenly knew what to do. She sent an E-Mail to Clare and wrote that she wanted to meet her tomorrow at 3 o` clock. Later she told her best friend Chantal that Clare had said that her mom is a bitch and chantal will be a tart.
>Wenn du das für die Schule brauchen solltest... Na ja.
>Außerdem ist der Satz zu verschachtelt. Unverständlich!
Chantal was shocked. The following day after school they met theirself and Dana fought with clare`s friend.
>'They met'! Ohne 'theirselves'!
> 'They started to beat each other up' = Sie begannen sich zu prügeln. Gefällt mir besser als kämpfen.
Then came Jarrod and went betwenn the girls.
> Satzstellung! Und "to go between' meint nicht, was du sagen willst.
>'Then Jarrod came and stopped the fight.'
Someone has called the police and they took the girls to the police office. They asked Clare about the event and she said that she had nothing to do with this fight. Then they talked to the other girls and said that she handn`t done anything.
>Sinn?! Satz ist unverständlich.
The following day the police got a film with the fight and they could what Dana and Chantal had done.
>'they could see' meinst du vermutlich.
The girls had to go to the lawyer and he ordered them to do 50 hours of community service.
The girls cried and apologized to Clare. Finally Jarrod came to Clare and told her what he felt to her and she felt the same.
> 'What he felt for her'
He apologized her to protect her in future.
>Sinn?! Unverständlich!
And from there they were happy.
> 'From this day on..'
An sich nett, zum Teil solltest du den Sinn überarbeiten und darauf achten, dass deine Sätze nicht zu lang werden!
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